This is an excerpt from a recent journal entry……… while on vacation:
May 27, 2012
God, I want You to reveal some radical change in direction for my life. I want You to tell me to quit my job, homeschool my youngest, all while I continue to study for the CPA exam. I want to continue writing and speaking, of course. Then, in a year, give me a great job with a CPA firm doing some extraordinary ministry work helping the least of these…….work that would use my strengths and combine all of the things I’m passionate about to help others.
I didn’t get what I wanted. But I know God loves my courage to write it down in my journal. And I love, and He loves, that I feel so safe and entirely comfortable to be so bold.
God loves my gritty sincerity and my raw emotion. He was right there with me as I cried it out. And He’s right here with me as I deal with my reality – working, no plans to homeschool my daughter, not writing as much as I’d like, but still studying for the CPA Exam.
He knows my heart. The dark parts and the pure ones. He knows my dreams and desires. The self-seeking ones and the noble ones. He knows exactly what I need, when I need it. And He knows what my family needs. I know this. I trust Him.
I’ll keep wanting what I want. And I’ll keep praying that He will align my desires with His. And I’ll keep trusting Him.
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I lift up my soul.